An Ode to the Pants
by Jade's Trick
Summary: A day in the life of the clothing of John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir


**Title:** An Ode to the Pants

**Characters:** John Sheppard, Elizabeth Weir, a few cameos by Rodney McKay, Radek Zelenka and Chuck as well as some particular personalities.

**Pairing:** Sheppard/Weir. And others…

**Categories:** Oh, just a day in the life…

**Warnings:** Probably MA-ish. For the dirty minds, particularly that of Stacey

**Summary:** You'll see.

**Spoilers:** None.

**A/N:** Inspired by a particular pair of jeans that Sheppard wore in "Outcast." This particular pair of jeans has caused many a squeeing/fighting/drooling between me and Stacey. So, this one's for her.

**Reviews:** are love for my lonely heart.

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**An Ode to the Pants**

"I don't see why he has to choose."

"He doesn't HAVE a choice, you faded brute."

"I think he does!"

"Oh really? Why is that?"

"YOU feel it more than I do!"

"Oh God, don't remind me."

"Well? She'd let him do anything he wants!"

"She does not!"

"Does too."

"Not!"

"Does too! All he has to do is flash that ridiculous smirk and you see how she melts!"

"That's for them to know and us to never find out."

"You're such a prude."

"How the hell could you define me as a prude?!"

"There's more room on your side." He smirked.

The other he grimaced.

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_Swish swish swish…_

"Would you cut that out!"

She grinned and then flashed an innocent face. "What?"

"That_ swishing_! It's on my last nerves!"

"It's only because of you the _swishing_ even happens."

"Gross. THANK YOU for that."

Another innocent smile. "You're welcome."

They paused. _Swish swish swish…_

"Stop! You're doing it on purpose!"

"I am not!"

She groaned. "How, _how_ did I get stuck with _you_?"

"Blame the designers."

"Oh I do."

"Besides, it could be worse."

"It IS worse! Every time she sees him, I get the--"

"STOP! Don't even say it!"

_Another_ innocent smile. "I wasn't gonna."

"Liar."

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_Thwack!_

"Now…THIS is more like it!"

The other one groaned. "I hate when he does this."

"It's good exercise!"

"Maybe for you! All I get is more and more stretched!"

"What're you complaining about? At least he got to choose."

He grumbled. "For once."

"You're jealous!"

"WHAT?"

"You're jealous of the BDUs!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Yes!"

_Thwack!_

"Ouch."

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"I need to move."

"Too bad."

"No, I seriously need to move."

"Tough!"

"Tickle her! Something! I can't sit like this anymore!"

"You whine too much."

"Do something!"

She rolled her eyes. "_Fine_!"

**She felt the urgent need to cross her legs, so she swung her right over her left. **

"Better?"

"No."

"Or for God's sake…"

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"Owwwwwwww."

"Oh, stop complaining."

"I HATE this."

"It could be worse."

"Oh really?! HOW?"

"We could be the BDUs."

"I knew it! I knew you were jealous!"

"Well at least we'd get to see some action!"

"I think we see plenty."

"Oh dear God…"

"No seriously!"

He clamped his mouth shut.

"What? Now you're not speaking to me?"

Nothing.

"Oh come on!"

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**John ran up the stairs to Stargate operations.**

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"Owwwwwww."

"Oh shut up."

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**He saw Rodney yelling at Radek so he immediately avoided them and turned to ask Chuck how things were going.**

"**They're still a few days out."**

"**Any word from Earth?"**

"**Not yet."**

**John sighed and patted Chuck on the shoulder. "Okay, let me know as soon as you do."**

**Chuck nodded and John stood up and turned towards Elizabeth's office. She was sitting at her desk as usual and as usual tapping away at her keyboard. He cocked his head. Thank God for days off. She was dressed in that gorgeous teal tank top, but her bottom half looked the same as any other day. At least she wasn't wearing red.**

**He walked towards her office.**

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"Make her get up!"

"You have just as much the ability as I do!"

"What the hell am I supposed to do with you _sitting_ on me?!"

She giggled, then stopped suddenly.

"Uh oh…"

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**Elizabeth looked up as John walked through her door and leaned on his usual spot on her desk. She raised her eyebrows.**

"**So this is what soldiers wear on their days off, huh?"**

"**You're not wearing red."**

"**So?"**

"**I honestly was starting to think you barely owned any other color."**

**She smiled mischievously. "Says the man who's wearing _white_."**

**He grinned right back. "What? Teyla says I look good in white!"**

**She rolled her eyes and looked back at her keyboard. "It's a change."**

**He raised an eyebrow but continued smiling. "A _change_?"**

"**I'm busy, John."**

"**It's an off day, Elizabeth."**

"**I don't have off days."**

"**You're the boss! Give yourself one!"**

**She looked back up at him. "Have you finished your reports?"**

"**It's an off day, Elizabeth."**

"**Because I was just typing up your evaluation."**

**That caught his attention. He rounded the desk to peek at the laptop screen. "All excellent and above averages?"**

**She shoved him away but caught a whiff of sweat.**

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"Oh hell."

"Make her move!"

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**John smirked and gave in. "Fine. No off day for the boss."**

**She sighed but smiled. "I promise I'll be done with this in an hour IF no more interrupting occurs."**

"**So I shouldn't go spar against Ronon and end up in the infirmary merely to make you get out of this office?"**

"**Goodbye, John."**

**He grinned and turned away. "You have one hour before I commence with the sparring."**

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**Elizabeth peeked up long enough to watch John start stalking away. **

_**Nice jeans**_**, she thought.**

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"Make her _move_!"

**She uncrossed her legs and continued to type, all the while avoiding the hot flashes that seemed to appear whenever John entered the room.**

"Better?"

"Oh shut up."

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**He stalked out of the office and ended up peering over Rodney's shoulder at his laptop.**

"**Do you mind?!"**

"**What's Radek done this time?"**

**Radek shot him a dirty look and started speaking…or rather _swearing_ in Czech.**

"**WELL. Genius here thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and reprogram the Ancient database therefore making it--" he held up his fingers and did the quoty thing "--_easier_ for us to access any history on the Replicators. Now, _I_, being the_ smart one_--" Radek continued swearing Czech "--have to go in and _re_reprogram every mistake he made!"**

"**How many mistakes we talking about here?"**

"**Two!" Radek shouted.**

"**Oh, about 855!" Rodney shouted back.**

**John rolled his eyes as Rodney and Radek continued their yelling match. His eyes wavered back towards Elizabeth, who was still typing away on her laptop. He watched her as she stopped as though to think and bit her lip. Then she leaned over and pulled a file out of the black bag that was sitting on the floor beside her.**

**This enabled the teal tank top to go taught.**

**Which enabled John to catch his breath.**

**Which made the jeans panic.**

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"AUGH!"

"Move over!"

"I can't! There's no room!"

"You're in my turf!"

"Well,_ he's_ in mine!"

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**John squirmed uncomfortably.**

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**More A/N: First attempt at a Sparky and I had to go with the jeans. rollseyes **


End file.
